why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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