i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
