nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
