I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
