That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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