Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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