a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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