Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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