maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
