4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
FUCK WHALES
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize