Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
