I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bang-toberfest begins!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
