My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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