Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
