is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
