Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
