his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
