some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
