The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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