I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
