I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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