Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
