I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize