I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
