so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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