life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
