when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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