Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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