i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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