I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
