I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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