My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
