My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize