i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
where are my eyebrows?
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