There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want nice things and good sex
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
