You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
