I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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