I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
