i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
vagina is talking i cant
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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