never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
