you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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