Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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