I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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