I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
