I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
