when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
