What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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