Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
