youre lurking in front of me
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
