the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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