Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
