My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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