i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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