you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
