You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
