so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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