God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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