Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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