I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
