I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
