We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my shit smells like andre
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize