i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
